2014-1104 Gratitude

In the latter part of September, 1962, after a long day teaching Mathematics to middle schoolers, Mr. Shiers begins his open classroom time, a time that he can devote to helping students struggling with the material.  One of the subjects that Mr. Shiers teaches is SMSG Mathematics.  SMSG stands for School Mathematics Study Group and was a fairly recent reform sparked by the Sputnik crisis in 1958. 

One of his students, a 9^th grader taking SMSG Mathematics, nervously enters and takes a seat.  The student is flummoxed by his inability to grasp the concepts behind word problems.  These are new to him.  He feels anxious and depressed, thinking that somehow he is not as clever as his classmates and embarrased by his ignorance.  Mr. Shiers takes the time to discover how the student is thinking about the problem and then patiently fills in the gaps in the student’s understanding.  A light suddenly goes off in the student’s head and dispels the darkness!  A wonderful understanding has suddenly appeared and the student gets one of the highest marks on the next test. 

As you might have guessed, that student was me.  What sticks with me over the course of the intervening years, 52 now, is the kindness of that teacher and the gratitude which I feel towards him. 

What better legacy can one have than to be remembered for an act of kindness after more than 50 years? 

Perhaps you remember the people in your life who made a positive difference, be they family members or teachers or even strangers.  Take some time to remember them, send them thoughts of gratitude for what they did.  It’s like receiving a warm hug; you can’t help but feel better.  And then, if you have an opportunity, pass on that act of kindness to someone else.  Who knows, perhaps 50 years from now they will remember warmly what you did for them.

Thank you Mr. Shiers!  You were instrumental in my life.

Cheers!

Kevin

2014-1012 Recycling Grudges

Hi All -

In my neighborhood, garbage and materials for recycling are picked up every Monday.  The trucks make their rounds early in the morning (usually) so I try to get everything ready by Sunday evening.  Plastic, metal cans, paper and cut-up cardboard go into one can and garden waste goes into a different container.  Unwanted things that cannot be recycled go into a third container. 

So every Monday, I get rid of things that I no longer want.  Just recently, I threw out some old pillows that were no longer serviceable.  Old clothing that is no longer wearable and too shabby to donate is a good candidate to throw out as well. 

Over the years, I’ve stored items that once were part of my life but no longer are nor will be.  So why store them?  They just take up space and get in my way.  Some items cannot be thrown out in the garbage; they require special handling so they must be taken to a hazardous material recycling center.  Old pesticides, paint cans, and burned out fluorescent bulbs are examples.

All this got me to thinking about other things we might want to get rid of.  What might those be?

What if we could rid ourselves of grudges?  Grudges are persistent feelings of resentment resulting from past injuries or insults.  I think we all can remember times when somebody else did something that was very unpleasant for us.  Perhaps a bad driver cut you off and you came close to having an accident.  And, to top it off, they then had the nerve to flip you off!  Every time you think of it, you relive that anger. 

Or remember that classmate who started a rumor about you that was really embarrassing!  The rumor wasn’t true, of course, but everybody believed it.  You lost face and just wanted to run away. 

Incidents like this may be many years old now but they still bring us pain whenever we recall them. 

Wouldn’t it be great if we could take these old grudges and recycle them on Monday mornings with the rest of the garbage? 

Somebody once said that “forgiveness” means giving up all hope of a better past. Recalling these bad experiences will not change our past.  But forgiving the people who wronged us might allow us to let go of these memories and clean out our interior house.  How refreshing it would be to let all that negativity go.  It would open up some space and allow us to air ourselves out.  We would then have more room to focus on newer, positive things. 

I believe that we will lead happier lives if we can do this.

So make a list of your grudges, package them up in a pile and haul them out to the curb by 7:30 a.m. on Monday.  And after they are gone, don’t look back.

Cheers!

Kevin

2014-0901 Katelyn’s Paci

Hi All –

I want to share with you a story written by our daughter-in-law, Kelly, who is married to our youngest son, Dave.  This story is about our 3-year old granddaughter, Katelyn, and her struggle to grow out of the need for pacifiers.

Life for Katelyn and her family has been seriously disrupted as she has a serious medical condition known as Aplastic Anemia which she has been fighting since Thanksgiving.  Soon she will be undergoing a bone marrow transplant at the Lucille Packard Children’s Hospital at Stanford.

Peace!

Kevin

The following story took place on Thursday, 8/28, the evening before Katelyn's 3rd birthday. I am including every sweet detail, to share with all of you what a beautifully creative and kind spirit Katelyn has. Enjoy!!

We were outside on the swingset, having our nightly playtime, when Katelyn started talking about her "pacies" (pacifiers). She told me she was ready to give her pacies to all the babies, and that it was time to put them in a special box. (note: we have been setting the stage for this for months, gently reminding her that being 3 means being a big girl and giving her pacies to all the babies who need them)..... so having Katelyn bring this topic up independently was a welcome surprise to me! After a private conversation with Dave, which included a concrete promise of "once those things are gone, we're in this until its over," we braced ourselves for a potentially sleepless night (or week) and got out the supplies. Every paci in the house went into a small white box, which Katelyn delicately decorated with stickers. She put so much thought into each one, and gave sweet commentary through the whole process about how happy the babies will be when they get their present. Once she was finished decorating, we taped the box closed, tied it with ribbon, added a label, and said goodbye. Katelyn carried her gift to the mailbox, where she carefully placed it inside and closed the door. We waved to the box and ran back home, where Katelyn was beside herself with pride and excitement! I couldn't believe how smoothly it all went....

And then it was bedtime.....

Now anyone who has known Katelyn for her 3 years of life knows that this kid had a serious paci addiction. I knew it couldn't be that easy!! As soon as her head hit the pillow, she sat up and shouted "Mommy wait! I don't want to be a big girl anymore! I NEED my pacies back!!!!" I reminded her of her big decision and we discussed each step of the process. She seemed concerned that the pacies were still outside, so I told her they had already been delivered by the mailman. Thanks to smartphones, I was able to quickly google "babies with pacifiers" and showed her the slideshow of all the babies who were happily enjoying "her" pacies. Seeing the pictures did the trick - Katelyn laid down and talked for a good 15 more minutes about the babies. It took her a while to settle down, but eventually we had a successful night. 

3 days later and we still have to talk through the complete play by play at each nap and bedtime, complete with the google pictures, but overall I am extremely relieved by how well this process went and so proud of Katelyn for her bravery. Her kind spirit and interest in giving to others allowed her to find joy in this milestone, and she turned 3 as a big girl with a plastic-free smile!! :) 

Stay tuned for birthday details!! Love to all!!

2014-0823 Ordinary

Hi all –

Here’s a poem (?) I wrote some years ago addressing our pop culture’s mania for the emulation of questionable idols.  Why are we so afraid to be different?

ORDINARY

Kevin Crittenden 12/8/06

When you are done

with knowing what  everyone else knows,

And doing

what everyone else does,

And thinking

like everyone else thinks,

And talking

about the same TV shows,

And listening

to the same songs on your identical (except for color) iPods,

And being

like SallyandJaneandCindyandMonika(didyounoticethe 'k', socute!),

And dressing to make a statement

just like the people around you;

When you are through,

            being

                        afraid

                                    to be different

Then begin to see clearly again

                        the forks in the road . . .,            

the choices less taken. . .,

the divergent possibilites . . . -

Or even start          your own road,

Who knows, you may even draw -

                                                 a crowd.   Wanting to be.  Just.  Like.  You.

2014-0809 Farmer’s Market

Hi all –

Yesterday I wandered over to the Farmer’s market near Vallco because we needed some good fruit.  I suppose you could say that we already had an adequate supple of bad fruit.  Also we wanted to get some fresh green beans.  In past years, I’ve grown my own but didn’t put any in this year.  The reason why, of course, was that it’s good to let the ground lie fallow for a year.  This sounds better than the real reason which is that I was lazy.

As usual, there were many people already engaged in picking over the produce and making comparisons between the different vendors.  Why buy strawberries for $3 a basket here when further down the row, another vendor sells them for $2.50?  Also, if you enjoy just being with people ( a people watcher), it’s a fun place to be.  I notice people looking through the produce, wondering what criteria they are using to find the best ones. 

Farmer’s markets are a great place to buy local, fresh, organic food.  But I must admit that much of what is sold is food that I don’t recognize.  As our area diversifies, I’m seeing fruits and vegetables which are new to me.  For instance, bitter melon.  The name alone makes me wonder why anyone would eat it.  It must taste bitter, right?

So I am thinking that it would be a nice challenge to learn about some of these new items and learn how to use them to expand my culinary repertoire.  Currently I am able to open up a can of soup and heat it on the stove all by myself.  I know, pretty impressive.  I don’t like to brag ( liar!) but I can also make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 

Now here’s a simple dish that I enjoy.  Buy a butternut squash and a yam.  Peel both and remove the seeds from the squash.  Cut everything up into 1-1/2” cubes and steam it until it is soft.  Mash it altogether and enjoy!

You can also make healthier mashed potatoes in the same way.  Buy a head of cauliflower and 2 white potatoes.  Peel the potatoes, chunk them up, chunk up the cauliflower and again steam everything until soft.  Mix it all up and you have faux mashed potatoes. 

So if you’ve never been to a farmer’s market before, google “farmers markets” and find one near you.  Then, take some shopping bags and go explore!

Bon appetit!

Kevin

Reminder:  If you are unsure about the meaning of the idioms used in this message, please refer to "Idioms, Figures of Speech, and Proverbs" posted on this blog in August 2013.  An alternative is to look at http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com

2014-0803 Taking Off

Hi all –

A little while back, I sent a  YouTube video link to my friend, Rob.  Here is his reply:

Kevin,

I was away on a business trip and so only got to this recently.  It's pretty interesting -- thanks for sending it.

On a related note, I'm moving to Tibet - bye.

Rob.

Now don’t be concerned.  He’s not REALLY moving to Tibet ( I hope).  Although, come to think of it, you probably have no feelings one way or the other about the situation since you don’t know Rob.  But I know Rob and would be sorry to see him go. 

Anyway, the point is that sometimes, like Rob, we get fed up with our situation and want to jettison our lives so we can start fresh somewhere else, preferably halfway around the world.  The implication is that we want to get as far away from our current problems as possible.  This is why the statement “….I’m moving to Tibet – bye” packs more of a punch than, say, “… I’m moving to Reno – bye.” 

It’s sometimes fun to envision making a radical change to our lives, especially if we are stressed out at work or just wanting a change in our daily routine.  Maybe you’ve been a wafer fabricator for umpteen years and could do it in your sleep.  There’s not much challenge in the job and your inner creativity is getting restless.  So you start to daydream about being a travel agent and seeing the world or wonder what your life would be like as a Hollywood star. 

So have a little fun.  Take some time to think about making a major change to your life.  In these reveries, money is no object nor is anything else.  Rob is moving to Tibet.  Where would you go?  What would you like to do?  What would you like to be?  Who would you like to go with you?  What would a perfect day look like for you?

As for me, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to, say, write a blog.  If I had any talent as a writer, that is.

And, BTW (by the way), here is the video link I sent to Rob:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWxMDdLey0E

Cheers!

Kevin

Reminder:  If you are unsure about the meaning of the idioms used in this message, please refer to "Idioms, Figures of Speech, and Proverbs" posted on this blog in August 2013.  An alternative is to look at http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com

2014-0726 Failure As An Option

Hi all –

We’ve discussed success for awhile now.  But what about the other side of the coin? By that I mean failure.  Is there any value in failure? 

Probably you have heard the expression “Failure is not an option!”  This is said by coaches to their teams or military commanders to their troops.  The idea is that the possibility of not winning the upcoming contest is not even to be acknowledged.  There is only winning.

Can you imagine saying that to your baby who is learning to walk?  They are continually failing.  They stand up on wobbly legs, find where mommy is, and start to move in her direction.  Then Plunk!, down they go.  Do they give up?  No.  They try again.  Plunk!  Down they go.  Then up again, a few steps this time before the Plunk!  Eventually they reach their goal and are very happy.  I’ve never heard of a toddler who was depressed when he reached his goal because he was unhappy with the number of times he fell. 

What is happening, though?  Through continual failure, the child is improving.  The failures are, in fact, teaching moments.  And the failures become less frequent.

Yet, somehow, by the time we are adults, we have often forgotten that failures are teaching moments.  Rather, we see them as reflections of our own imperfections and the basis of our shame. 

Some of us become afraid to try new things because there is a high risk of failure and failure is not a comfortable option.  To fail just means reinforcing that critical part of ourselves that too often reminds us of our poor performance. 

If we can remember our earliest lessons of failure and how they led us to learn new skills, then perhaps we can embrace failure as a teaching tool and use it in our lives now to expand our horizons.

Wishing you success (even through failure!) always!

Kevin

Reminder:  If you are unsure about the meaning of the idioms used in this message, please refer to "Idioms, Figures of Speech, and Proverbs" posted on this blog in August 2013.  An alternative is to look at http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com