2013-1220 Christmas

Hi All –

I don’t know how it is for YOUR family at this time of the year but for US, the days seem to pass faster than malicious gossip at a garden party.  Wasn’t it just a week or so ago that we stood on our doorsteps, passing out candy to charming little children dressed in their colorful and creative Halloween costumes?  And wasn’t there a day  between that time and now, which was filled with joyful cooking and hectic dinner preparations, culminating with a roasted turkey perched on a platter in the center of the dining room table and surrounded by more side dishes than a supercomputer can count?  Surrounding those, as I recall, was a legion of ravenous people (many known to Kathleen and myself) descending on the table in a manner reminiscent of the locusts in the 8^th plague of Egypt.  Fortunately the plates, silverware and the table itself were deemed to be inedible by the assembled host, otherwise we would be reduced to living on finger foods eaten directly off the carpet.

Now what adds to OUR busyness at this time of year is the addition of 1 anniversary and 1 birthday.  Yes, it’s true.  My wife and I married in December (some years ago) and my wife was born in December (also some years ago).   With so many festive occasions taking place, this time of year just flies by.  Of course it could be the fact that the days are so short which makes it seem that time is passing by so quickly.  My typical day: I wake up, eat breakfast, maybe run an errand, have lunch, have a nap, observe that it is dinner time, watch a little TV or read a paragraph or two and then it’s “Oh my, (yawn) just look at the time.  Think I’ll turn in.” 

But all that is besides the point of this blog entry.  I’m supposed to be writing about Christmas.  I won’t talk about the origin of Christmas or how Christmas is celebrated here in the U.S. or even how it is celebrated in the Orkney Islands.  Mainly I want to focus on my perceptions of this holiday.  So let me get on my soapbox once again and reiterate the following message.

Many people have come to equate Christmas to some kind of  big party where everybody gives each other gifts to prove that they love and really care for each other.  Retailers will try to guilt you into thinking that inexpensive gifts don’t show your love as much as expensive gifts.  Call me crazy but to my way of thinking, you show your love for your friends and family all year long by your interactions with them.  I think you know what I mean.  If your friend is suffering through some type of crisis, you drop them a note of support or ring them up.  If your spouse has had a rough day, maybe you cook dinner and clean up, even if it isn’t your turn.  Christmas, then, becomes a time of family togetherness and celebration, a time to count your blessings and rejoice in your relationships that are beyond price.  And yes, Virginia, gifts are a part of the fun of giving and receiving. 

Have a Merry Christmas everyone!

Kevin

Reminder:  If you are unsure about the meaning of the idioms used in this message, please refer to "Idioms, Figures of Speech, and Proverbs" posted in August.  An alternative is to look at http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com

2013-1213Letter-Active Listening

Hi All –

In Friday’s class, the topic of communication arose which I believe is of universal concern.  We all wish we had better lines of communication with our friends and family.   Sometimes, we might make an off-the-cuff remark and it gets taken the wrong way.  It might set the other person off and we’re left wondering what happened, as if having a conversation were some kind of dangerous high-wire act.

When we think of a conversation, it seems quite a simple thing.  If two people are involved, one talks while the other listens.  Then the roles are reversed.  This process continues until the conversation ends. What could be easier? 

But often after we’ve been in a conversation, we’re left thinking that the other person really didn’t hear us or that we really didn’t get a chance to say what was on our minds.

An example might be a wife speaking to her husband: 

WIFE:   “Joe, would you PLEASE mow the lawn?!  Our neighbors are beginning to talk.”

HUSBAND:   (Changing TV channels) “Huh?  Oh yeah.  Pretty soon.”

Another example would be your teenaged daughter coming home from school:

DAUGHTER:   (slams front door and starts yelling)  “M-o-o-o-ommm!!!”

MOTHER:    (in next room) “You don’t have to yell!  I’m right here!”

(The mother’s cell phone beeps as a text comes in)

DAUGHTER:   “Celia said I was ugly in front of her friends.  I hate her and her stupid friends!! “

MOTHER:   (Distractedly checking her cell phone) “Uh huh.  Well, you have other friends.”

(Daughter stomps off to her bedroom and slams that door as well. )

To gin up your communication skills, it is important to learn how to listen actively.  Active listening is a way of responding to another person in a way that promotes mutual understanding.  Active listening techniques include four types of statements:

ENCOURAGING – This conveys interest and keeps the other person talking.  Don’t agree or disagree. Use noncommittal words with a positive tone of voice.  Examples are “I see . . .”, “That’s interesting. . .”

RESTATING – This shows that you are listening and understanding.  To do this, just restate the other’s basic ideas, emphasizing the facts.  Example: “If I understand you correctly, your idea is . . .”,  “In other words, this is your decision . . .”

REFLECTING – This shows the other that you understand their feelings.  To do this, restate the other’s basic feelings.  Example:  “You feel that . . .”, “You were pretty disturbed by this . . .”

SUMMARIZING – This pulls together important ideas and facts.  It also establishes a basis for further discussion.  To do this, restate, reflect and summarize major ideas and feelings.  Example:  “These seem to be the key ideas you have expressed . . .”  “If I understand you, you feel this way about the situation. . .”

Now let’s look at two conversations:

The first family, the Browns, are struggling with their communication.  Their fifteen-year-old son, Brendan, plays sports, achieves a “B” grade average, has a group of friends with whom he associates, and is generally well liked by his teachers.

Scene: Dinner time at the table.

Brendan:   “School is for the birds.  All you learn is a lot of unimportant facts that don’t do you any good.  I’ve decided not to go to college.  You don’t need a college education to be someone important.  There are a lot of other ways to get ahead in the world.”

Father:   “People who give up when things get difficult usually don’t succeed in life.”

Brendan:   “How much do you need to know about the War of 1812 to be an architect?”

Mother:   “You should listen to your father.  He didn’t get where he is today by shirking responsibility.”

Brendan:   “You don’t understand and you never will.”

Father:   “I don’t ever want to hear you talk to your mother like that again.  Get your act together and maybe you’d be a better student.  Your problem is that you never apply yourself.  That’s why you don't get better grades.  You just expect to get something without effort.  That’s what your mother and I get for giving so much to you your whole life.”

The family finishes dinner in silence.

LET’S TRY THIS AGAIN:

The second family, the Smiths, are a good example of a family with open and warm communication.  Their fifteen-year-old son, Brian, plays sports, achieves a “B” grade average, has a group of friends with whom he associates, and is generally well liked by his teachers.

Scene: Dinner time at the table.

Brian:   “School is for the birds.  All you learn is a lot of unimportant facts that don’t do you any good.  I’ve decided not to go to college.  You don’t need a college education to be someone important.  There are a lot of other ways to get ahead in the world.”

Father:   “You sound really frustrated with school.”

Brian:   “Yeah.  I don’t see how learning about the War of 1812 will help me be an architect.”

Mother:   “You know, I remember feeling the same way about Biology.  I hated dissecting frogs and I didn’t like the teacher.”

Brian:   “Well, you know my teacher is so boring, he just talks the whole period and expects us to remember every word.”

Mother:   “Sounds like you’re irritated with him.”

Brian:   “Sure, he gave me a “C” on a pop quiz and he never told anyone he would ask questions about his lecture.”

Father:   “You don’t feel you deserve that grade.”

Brian:   “Well, I missed half the questions and that’s a “C”, but I’m just mad that he didn’t tell us about questions coming from the lecture.  It isn’t fair.”

Mother:   “Well, it sounds to me like you have a problem with your teacher.  You don’t feel he gave you good enough instructions on what to study for the quiz.”

Brian:   “That’s about right.”

Father:   “Do you feel like you need to get this straight with him?”

Brian:   “What’s the use?  Now I know what he wants.  I can get a good grade now that I know what he expects.  I just don’t like him very much.”

The family goes on to talk about their weekend plans.

Have a great week everyone! 

Kevin

Reminder:  If you are unsure about the meaning of the idioms used in this message, please refer to "Idioms, Figures of Speech, and Proverbs" posted in August.  An alternative is to look at http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com

2013-1204 Letter - Some Thoughts about Tea

Some Thoughts About Tea

Tea was discovered in China over 5,000 years ago when Shen Nung, an early emperor, required that all drinking water be boiled as a hygienic precaution.  During a journey, some dried leaves from a nearby bush fell into the boiling water and a brown liquid was infused into the water.  The Emperor was interested in the new liquid, drank some and found it very refreshing.   Today, there are many kinds of tea grown and harvested around the world.  You can grow some teas at home.

Here is a picture of a tea plant ready for harvest.  This is an Oolong plant of the Tung Ting variety. 

Some tea grows only in extreme environments such as this High Mountain Tea being harvested by an ardent tea lover.

To maximize the enjoyment of your tea, you should follow the steps outlined here. 

First, ensure you have an adequate supply of tea.  It would not do to run out when guests arrive.

As an added precaution, always rub your teapot to ensure that yours is not a magic teapot that houses a genie.  They may not like boiling water!

Be sure to boil plenty of water.  Remember, you must use the first pot of water to rinse the tea leaves.

Tea can be made at different strengths according to desire.  To make strong tea, add more of the dried tea leaves.  Be prepared to stay awake all night!

To make a weaker tea, add less of the dried tea leaves.  You may find the use of tweezers helpful for this process. 

Now add your boiling water to the teapot, let it sit for a short time, then pour out the liquid into a cup.  This is not only to rinse the dried tea leaves but to provide an initial cup of tea so that you may savor it's fragrance while the tea undergoes it's final brewing.   While pouring the tea, take time to notice the coloration of the liquid and appreciate the wonders of this fine beverage.

Now add more water to the teapot for the final brew and take some time to appreciate the fine aroma of the first pouring of the tea.  The tea will be ready to drink very soon. 

Now pour the brewed tea into your cup.  Even though for many black teas, it is often desirable to add flavorings, please remember that for green tea, you do NOT add sugar or cream!

Now sit back, relax, and enjoy your tea. Allow it to gently transport you to rapture on the wings of imagination as you slowly sip.

Doesn't that taste good?