Friday, October 25, 2013

2013-1025 Letter - Living Life Over


Hi All –

In our Friday session, we discussed the short but intriguing introspective composition by Nadine Stair entitled “If I Had My Life Over.”  In a nutshell, the author showcases the importance of allowing oneself to enjoy life by embracing risk and being less concerned with what other people might think.  Like many of us, she spent too much time worrying about imaginary possibilities, bad things that might occur, and preparing for the worst.  By doing so, she lost out on living life in the moment.  There is a quote that says “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.”  And I can vouch for the fact that many of the things I’ve worried most about in my life never came to pass.

So . . . what might you go back and change if you could live your life over?   For myself, I might want to get in on the ground floor at Google so I could be making money hand over fist now instead of being a cash-strapped pensioner living a hand-to-mouth existence and depending on the kindness of strangers.  Or take the case of Marcy and Fredrick who both fervently wish that they could go back and change a certain chapter of their lives.  Not so long ago, they were both young students who met in an English class at the local university.  Immediately smitten with Marcy’s good looks and charming demeanor, Fredrick looked forward each week to class so he could be with her.  She truly lit up his life and, after a few dates, she had him wrapped around her little finger.  So, for awhile, these starry-eyed lovers were quite an item.  Oh, but then the raven-haired Angela joined the class with her long, perfectly coiffed tresses, patrician nose and smoky gaze.  This gaze lingered on Frederick and soon he fell under her spell. This did not go over well with Marcy who told Frederick that his increasing interest in Angela was breaking her heart.  But the damage had already been done and Frederick remained enthralled with Angela.  Finally, Marcy had had enough and she ended the relationship, calling Frederick a heel and a cad.  She called him some other names as well but I won’t relate those here.  After all, children might be reading this.

Now go out and change your life!  Take a risk and be silly!  But don’t blame me if people laugh at you.

Cheers,
Kevin


Friday, October 18, 2013

2013-1018 Letter-Retirement Stress


Hi All –

Recently, the subject of retirement came up with the emphasis on the stress a husband’s retirement can cause in his wife.  Retirement creates a big change in a couple’s relationship as the wife loses much of her autonomy while the husband loses the main source of his self-worth and social respect.  If the husband has been a workaholic for many, many years and has developed few social contacts outside of his workplace and has not engaged in any outside activities such as hobbies, then there is a considerable vacuum in his life when he retires.  This causes a huge stress within him and sometimes he takes this out on his wife, following her around, complaining about things and generally treating her like his personal servant.  This, then, is a great source of stress in his wife. 

The question then arose about the best way to revitalize a marital relationship after retirement.  In many marriages, the husband has been absent from the house for long hours every day so, in a sense, after retirement there are two people in the house who have grown apart and no longer know each other very well.  

In my opinion, a couple planning for retirement should not only include ensuring their future financial well-being but also their emotional well-being.  Communication is key here.  Ideally, the couple can develop an ongoing series of respectful dialogues about this issue.  If possible, before retiring, the husband might try taking a week off from work and, instead of planning a trip somewhere, stay home without any preplanning and see what it is like.  After that time, the couple can talk about their expectations and experiences.  Also, it might be very helpful for the husband to begin a journal, listing the various activities he would like to try when he has the available time.  These might include learning a new language, taking classes in something interesting, writing, hiking, painting, working with his hands, or volunteering in the community. 

Another big issue might be the revamping of the division of labor.  Now that the husband is retiring, how will the household chores be divided?  It would be helpful for the wife to encourage her husband to help in these areas and recognize the necessity of helping him, if necessary, to learn how.   She will need to relinquish some control in these areas.  Conversely, it would be helpful for her to be involved in the household finances.  For instance, they can work together to pay the bills and create a budget.

The basic concept in retirement is making the change from two people, each with their own areas of responsibilities, to working as a team, a partnership of equals, sharing the mutual responsibilities of maintaining a home and nurturing a loving relationship.

Have a great week!
Kevin

Sunday, October 13, 2013

2013-1011 Letter/Audio Granddaughter


Hi All –

I can tell you with absolute certainty that it is much easier to deal with a 2-year old when you are in your 30’s than when you are in your 60’s.  The reason I can say this with such conviction is that I have empirical evidence to support that fact, having hosted our granddaughter for six days while her father was working and her mother was visiting family.  When this idea was initially proposed, I felt somewhat concerned.  Not wanting to go through my day with this anxiety weighing down on me, I decided to get it off my chest and broach the subject with Kathleen.  Now it’s been a long time since our boys were as small as Katelyn so I may be a trifle rusty when it comes to childcare; a little rough around the edges if you will.  So I was concerned lest I do something inappropriate like let her play in the street.  I certainly didn’t want my wife jumping down my throat. Fortunately, it all went very smoothly and we reluctantly relinquished our precious granddaughter back to her parents. 

Perhaps you’ve heard the famous snippet of a quote written by Christopher Marlowe concerning Helen of Troy:

“Was this the face that launch’d a thousand ships
And burnt the topless towers of Ilium?”

Now look at THIS face.  


I don’t know about the ships but I’m convinced she could topple a lot of towers, no matter how tall they were.  She has that mischievous twinkle in her eyes. 

Have a great week!

Kevin

Reminder:  If you are unsure about the meaning of the idioms used in this message, please refer to "Idioms, Figures of Speech, and Proverbs" posted in August.  An alternative is to look at http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com



Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Foreign Words Encountered in English


Foreign Words Encountered in English
Version 13Oct13




ad lib – ad libitum – Improvised, spontaneous.  While rehearsing the play, the actor ad libbed his own lines.

ad hoc – For this specific purpose only.  The mayor formed an ad hoc committee to study the planned mall extension.

ad infinitum – To infinity.  The set of natural numbers goes on ad infinitum.

a la carte – Ordered as a seperately priced item.  I didn’t want the vegetables so I ordered the fish a la carte.

a la mode – Served with ice cream.  I like hot apple pie a la mode.

al dente – Cooked so as to be still firm when bitten.  Spaghetti tastes best when it is cooked al dente.

alma mater – Refers to the college or university that you graduated from.

ante bellum – Before the war (usually the American Civil War).  The ante bellum South was known for its vast fields of cotton.

a priori – Of reasoning – proceeding from causes to effects.  Deductively, without previous investigation.  Just by looking, he knew a priori that the earth was flat.

au fond – French – At bottom, basically.  Although his actions were questionable, he was au fond a good person.

au gratin – French – Sprinkled with breadcrumbs and/or grated cheese and browned.  Her au gratin potatoes were the hit of the Thanksgiving dinner.

bona fide – Real, not fake.  The painting was a bona fide Rembrandt.

de facto – In fact, in reality.  John was the de facto decision maker in the company.

de rigueur – Required by custom or etiquette.  In days gone by, it was considered de rigueur for a gentleman to stand when a lady entered the room.

du jour – Describes something that is short-lived.  The restaurant was serving corn chowder as its soup du jour on Monday. 

Ergo – Therefore.  I am a man, ergo I like computer games.  “Cogito ergo sum” – I think, therefore I am.  – RenĂ© Descartes

et al.  – et alia – Latin – And others.  According to Einstein et al. we live in a strange universe.

etc. – etcetera  Latin – used at the end of a list to show that more items of a similar nature are included.

femme fatale – a dangerously attractive woman.

in situ – In its original place.  The fossil was left in situ by the excavation team.

in toto – Completely, without exception.  The student body in toto was polled about their opinion on the tuition increase.

in vitro – In glass.  Refers to biological processes that occur in the laboratory.

ipse dixit – Latin - An unproven assertion resting only on the authority of a speaker; a dogmatic statement.  The court judged that the evidence for the prosecution rested solely on the ipse dixit of the witness and therefore found for the defense.

ipso facto – Latin – By the fact itself; thereby.  John had the best grade point average so he ipso facto became the class president.

je ne sais quoi – An indefinable quality, something indescribable.   She had a certain je ne sais quoi about her which I found very attractive.

loc. cit. – loco citato – Latin – In the place cited.  Like op. cit. but means also on the page already referenced.

mea culpa – My fault.   When the boss asked our group why the project was delayed, I said “Mea culpa.”

magnum opus – The best work done by an artist. The Mona Lisa was da Vinci’s magnum opus.

op. cit. – opus citatum – Latin – In the work already quoted.  It is used in a footnote to refer the reader to a previously cited work so the full title does not have to be repeated.

per diem – By the day.  A per diem means a daily allowance for a business traveler

per se – By itself.  I don’t find the subject of science boring per se, but the professor puts me to sleep.

persona non grata – An unacceptable person, somebody who is not welcome.  As a man, I was a persona non grata in the women’s locker room.

sine qua non – Indispensable, absolutely essential.  Being in the best possible physical shape is a sine qua non condition for mountain climbing.

sotto voce – In an undertone or aside.  Muted.  When the boss told us about the layoffs, I heard George mutter sotto voce.

sous-chef – Someone who works under the direction of the main chef in a restaurant.

status quo – The existing state of things.  I support the Women’s Movement because I’m not happy with the status quo.

tabula rasa – A blank tablet – a mind with no preconceptions.  A baby is a tabula rasa waiting to be imprinted with the stamp of its culture.

terra firma – Land as opposed to the sea.  I was anxious during the sea voyage until we reached harbor and once again I was able to stand on terra firma.

verbatim – Exactly as stated.  I repeated the message to him verbatim.

vice versa – Reverse the order of.  She liked me and vice versa.  (Means I liked her as well)

Voila – An exclamation meaning “there you are” or “there it is.”  “Voila!,” she cried as she held out her latest painting to show to her friends.