Hi All –
Recently, the subject of retirement came up with the
emphasis on the stress a husband’s retirement can cause in his wife. Retirement creates a big change in a
couple’s relationship as the wife loses much of her autonomy while the husband
loses the main source of his self-worth and social respect. If the husband has been a workaholic
for many, many years and has developed few social contacts outside of his workplace
and has not engaged in any outside activities such as hobbies, then there is a
considerable vacuum in his life when he retires. This causes a huge stress within him and sometimes he takes
this out on his wife, following her around, complaining about things and
generally treating her like his personal servant. This, then, is a great source of stress in his wife.
The question then arose about the best way to revitalize a
marital relationship after retirement.
In many marriages, the husband has been absent from the house for long
hours every day so, in a sense, after retirement there are two people in the
house who have grown apart and no longer know each other very well.
In my opinion, a couple planning for retirement should not
only include ensuring their future financial well-being but also their
emotional well-being.
Communication is key here.
Ideally, the couple can develop an ongoing series of respectful
dialogues about this issue. If
possible, before retiring, the husband might try taking a week off from work
and, instead of planning a trip somewhere, stay home without any preplanning
and see what it is like. After
that time, the couple can talk about their expectations and experiences. Also, it might be very helpful for the
husband to begin a journal, listing the various activities he would like to try
when he has the available time.
These might include learning a new language, taking classes in something
interesting, writing, hiking, painting, working with his hands, or volunteering
in the community.
Another big issue might be the revamping of the division of
labor. Now that the husband is
retiring, how will the household chores be divided? It would be helpful for the wife to encourage her husband to
help in these areas and recognize the necessity of helping him, if necessary,
to learn how. She will need
to relinquish some control in these areas. Conversely, it would be helpful for her to be involved in
the household finances. For
instance, they can work together to pay the bills and create a budget.
The basic concept in retirement is making the change from
two people, each with their own areas of responsibilities, to working as a
team, a partnership of equals, sharing the mutual responsibilities of
maintaining a home and nurturing a loving relationship.
Have a great week!
Kevin
No comments:
Post a Comment