2014-0718 Success – Setting Goals

Hi all –

So far, we’ve talked about success and what that might mean to you and did a self-examination to see what characteristics either further or hinder reaching our goals. 

But what are our goals?  And when do we expect to achieve them?  If and when we do, what then?  Will we have achieved happiness?

In thinking about setting goals, usually we begin with a particular long-range goal, something that may take years to achieve.  And it can leave us with a feeling of despair because right now, we are so far away from reaching that goal.  It seems impossible to reach. 

And so we mope around the house for awhile and then call our good friend (who is always a good shoulder to cry on) and tell our sob story to her.  She might say something like “Have you noticed that when you have to walk a mile to get to the store, you have to take a bunch of little steps? But finally you reach your goal?” 

And so we say “Aha!” ( this is known as an “Aha! moment” when you finally understand something) and proceed to think about a series of small steps that we can implement to help reach our final goal.

Example:  You want to be a concert violinist but at the moment, you’ve never played an instrument nor can you read music.  So should you give up?  Maybe.  But perhaps you might take a few steps to see if you have the potential to realize your dream.

1.  You sign up for a beginning music class to learn about music appreciation

2.  You take a class which explains musical notation

3.  You rent a violin and hire a tutor.

4.  If you are really enjoying yourself and discover that you are gaining talent, then you buy a student violin.

5.  You continue taking violin lessons and maybe join an orchestra.

6.  You improve and move up to the 1^st violin section.  By this time you’ve bought a very good violin.

7.  You advance to become the concertmaster, playing any violin solos that arise.

8.  And, by the way, you have reached your long-range goal!

All this is well and good but having a list of short-range goals will accomplish nothing unless you are willing to make changes to your life. 

Here is where OBSTACLES and EXCUSES make their appearance. 

We have ILLUSIONS about our goals.  Examples:

“All concert violinists were child prodigies.”

“You have to be proficient on the piano first.”

“Violinists must have long fingers to be successful.”

Accept what is real about you. 

“When I was a child, I played a lot with the other kids.  I wasn’t a prodigy.”

“I’ve been in the same room as a piano but haven’t played one.  Ever.”

“I have average fingers.”

We have FEARS about our goals.  Example:

“I just know I’ll be too nervous to play in public.”

“I’m too old to start now.”

“I’m too set in my ways to change.”

“I’m not sure I can fit in with other people.”

Those fears are not happening RIGHT NOW.  Replace those thoughts with more positive ones.
“I’m sure that I’ll become accustomed to playing in public until it no longer concerns me.”

“Age is just a number.  In my mind, I am youthful and capable.”

“I want to change because I want to reach my goal.”

“Other people probably feel just like I do.  We can support each other.”

One of the best things you can do to help reach your goal of success is to enlist the support of other trusted people.  These are people who will help you to feel positive about what you are trying to accomplish.  They will take delight in sharing your vision.  Avoid naysayers who continually raise objections to your plans or pass judgment on your decisions.

Although we may feel that working through our obstacles and excuses on our own is somehow admirable, NOT being able to ask for support is a sign of weakness.

Support is not dependence.

Support is interdependence; we give and get support.

Support includes sharing ourselves with others when they need support.

Support helps you know yourself so you can effect positive change.

Support helps you become competent

Support fights loneliness and isolation.

Support is empowering.

Support builds empathy and respect.

Support enables us to move in the direction we want to go.

Support creates an environment for learning and action.

Create your goals, list your obstacles and excuses, enlist the aid of a support person, then make a plan for moving forward!

Wishing you success always!

Kevin

Reminder:  If you are unsure about the meaning of the idioms used in this message, please refer to "Idioms, Figures of Speech, and Proverbs" posted on this blog in August 2013.  An alternative is to look at http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com