2013-0817 Letter/Audio

17Aug13

Hello folks.  It’s now time for Idiom Theater!

I had a good time talking about body language today and hope that it tickled your fancy as well.  I learned some things as well about personal space so for our next session, I will bring a tape measure so that I can sit the proper distance away from people.  Hopefully, this will reduce the number of icy stares that are directed my way when I sit too close to (or too far from) people from certain countries.  This may be the reason why they suddenly clam up when I try to make small talk.  So there I am, mentally running through my repertoire of conversation topics and rapidly running out of steam in an attempt to break the ice.  This means that next time, if we haven’t met yet, I’ll ask you what country you are from.  Based on your response, I’ll sit either 22 to 26 inches away or 36 inches away unless you’ve been living in the U.S. for a long time in which case I’ll situate myself exactly 30 inches away. 

Speaking of hugs, (we weren’t but I’ll pretend we were), I was introduced once to a woman with a checkered past whose evil reputation had preceded her so the idea of actually conversing with this vile woman sent shivers up my spine.  I was sure that she had maxed out her credit cards and would take this opportunity to hit me up for money.  This happened to take place at a party overflowing with other people of dubious reputation so, being in her element, she was as happy as a clam.  I had tried to evade this introduction, mumbling something about a pressing need to return an overdue library book, but finally acquiesced under relentless pressure from the host.  My host, you should know, undertakes everything he does with the tenacity of a bulldog.  Once he makes his mind up to do something, there’s no stopping the man. 

I was all in a lather, speculating whether or not hugs would be involved in this introduction and how far she would go. Fortunately,  I had just had a haircut so if she wanted to run her fingers through my hair, she would have to sweep it off the barber’s floor.  I was beginning to founder in a morass of depression, thinking of the possible consequences to my reputation by associating with this fallen woman.  My mind was spinning, with my worries going viral to the point that my footsteps faltered as I unsteadily approached her.  Truly this was a gut-wrenching experience and my energy reserves had long ago been depleted.  I thought of the quote by Ambrose Bierce, “Oh, to fall into the arms of a woman without falling into her hands.”

And then the moment approached . . .

And then?

And then she looked at me and smiled . . .

And then?

And then she opened her arms wide and came closer . . .

And then?  And then?

And then I sat down to write this email to you.

Have a great week!

Kevin